Cherish Me Read online

  His brother, Ezra, had offered Lily his old Toyota Corolla. At first she’d passed on it, but apparently vanity was no match for the freedom of having your own ride. She’d accepted the car the very next day, even though she could only drive it down the block to her friend Amina’s. And even that was giving her more leeway than she deserved, seeing as she was still operating with only a learner’s permit. She would move up to an intermediate driver’s license in just a few weeks, when she turned sixteen.

  He and Willow planned to surprise her with a new car for her birthday, but her attitude of late had put that plan in jeopardy. His sweet little girl’s disposition had turned markedly sour over the last few months.

  “Just be grateful you have a car,” Harrison told her as he kissed her forehead and moved aside so she could leave.

  After waiting at the door to make sure Lily made her way safely past his car as she backed out of the driveway, he went inside.

  It was all so familiar, yet in just three short weeks it had started to feel…different. From the TV mounted on the wall in the kitchen he could hear the babble of a local morning news anchor droning on about the latest developments in the case against two ex-city councilmembers. The sound of muffled voices drifted from somewhere upstairs, and then moments later, the shower in the kids’ bathroom started running.

  The bathroom door closed, and seconds later Willow appeared at the top of the stairs, her arms filled with laundry. She took one step, then stopped short when she noticed him.

  “Oh. Hey,” she said.

  Harrison stared at her from the base of the stairs and tried to swallow past the painful lump that instantly formed in his throat.

  God, but his wife was beautiful. After all these years, she still had the ability to snatch the air straight out of his lungs with just one look.

  “Hey,” he answered. “I, uh, need a blue tie.”

  She nodded. “In front of Judge Rubin today?” she asked as she continued down the stairs.

  “Yeah. Presenting due diligence findings.” He stopped her as she approached. “I know you have to get the kids off to school, but I was hoping—”

  “Wait. Is Lily still here?” she interrupted him.

  “No, she was leaving when I got here.”

  “She’d better have gotten out on time. She’s been tardy twice in the last two weeks. One more time and I’m taking away her driving privileges.”

  Harrison followed her as she continued toward the laundry room, just beyond the kitchen. He snatched a slice of bacon from the plate on the counter.

  “Do you need me to have a talk with her?” he asked.

  “No. She’s doing better now that I had her to delete Snapchat from her phone. I told her she can only use it on the weekends.”

  Harrison nodded. It seemed as if she had things under control. For some reason, that triggered a stab of anxiety down his spine. He didn’t want chaos, but he didn’t want to see his home running like a well-oiled machine without him either.

  “Willow, we need to—”

  She cut him off. “So why are you in front of Rubin?”

  Harrison tamped down his frustration. He didn’t want to talk about work. She always did that. Brought up every subject except the one they needed to talk about.

  But at least they were talking.

  “It’s for the Bayou Land Dredging acquisition,” he answered.

  “So that’s going forward?” Willow asked.

  He nodded. “Largest single acquisition Campbell & Holmes has ever seen. And I get to bring it home.”

  Genuine admiration shone in her eyes. “Congratulations.”

  “It’s too soon for congratulations,” he said, buoyed by the pride he heard in her voice. “We’re just getting started. Phillip MacMahon is going to give me a run for my money.”

  “Phillip’s the one who should be nervous, not you.” She stuffed the load of dirty laundry in the washing machine, plopped her balled fist on her hips and looked around. “I need to find Athens’s gym shorts so he doesn’t have an excuse to miss out on Phys. Ed.” She looked up at him. “Do me a favor, when you go upstairs to get your tie, knock on the bathroom door and tell your son not to take forever in that shower. It was a pain waking him up this morning. He’s two seconds away from losing Xbox privileges during the week.”

  “I thought he had lost Xbox privileges during the week?”

  “He did, but I…I felt bad about…you know.” She looked away.

  Harrison didn’t need further explanation. He’d felt like shit since the moment they sat Liliana and their ten-year-old, Athens, down to explain to them that they were separating.

  Taking a break. Willow had decided that describing it as taking a break was gentler.

  It didn’t feel gentler to him. Whatever way you sliced it, he was still living apart from his family. He was still going to bed alone at night instead of next to his wife. His world was still in shambles.

  And they still hadn’t talked about what needed to be done to fix their broken marriage.

  Harrison stopped her before she could walk past him, capturing her wrist. “Wills,” he said. “When are we going to talk about us? We have to talk, baby.”

  She looked down at his hand, and then up at him.

  “Mama!” Athens hollered from upstairs.

  “I—I need to go see about him,” Willow said. She wrested her wrist from his grasp and left the laundry room in a hurry.

  Harrison dropped his chin to his chest.

  He was at a loss. How was this break supposed to help if they never addressed the problems that had precipitated it? How were they supposed to mend whatever was broken between them if they didn’t talk about it?

  He had no idea what to do. He just knew this not doing anything bullshit they had going on right now wasn’t working. He and Willow were growing farther apart by the day. He had to figure out how he was going to repair whatever was broken in his marriage.

  Before there was no marriage left to repair.

  As she unnecessarily straightened the bedspread in the guest room, Willow checked the clock on the nightstand. She only had a few more minutes before she would be forced to go back out there. If she waited much longer, she would be late in getting Athens to school.

  But if she went back downstairs while Harrison was still there, he’d try to get her to talk again.

  A combination of grief, regret and shame coalesced in her stomach. She was hiding from her own husband. Willow pulled her trembling lip between her teeth, resolute in her vow not to cry about the state of her marriage. She didn’t have time for tears. She had to get her ten-year-old to school on time, and she had to pick up the dry cleaning, and go to the grocery store, and fill out the forms for Lily’s field trip to the state capitol, and a thousand other things. Tears would have to wait.

  She listened as Harrison told Athens he’d see him at his doctor’s appointment later today, and a few moments later, she heard the front door shut.

  Willow breathed her first full breath since she’d spotted Harrison standing at the base of the stairs this morning. He hadn’t told her he was coming over, which meant she’d had zero time to prepare herself for the onslaught of emotions that overwhelmed her whenever she saw him these days.

  A wave of arousal washed over her as she recalled the image of him in that smoky gray suit. The constant tug of war being waged within her—this pull toward her husband while also wanting to push him away—had her so confused. If only she could wave a magic wand that would wipe away the last few months; maybe then they could go back to being the husband and wife they’d been all these years.

  But there were no magic wands. And, if she were being honest with herself, she could admit her discontent had been building for longer than a few months. It would take more than magic wands or wishing upon stars or any other quick and easy fixes to repair what was broken between them.

  “He’s right,” Willow whispered. “You need to finally talk this through.”

  S
he missed her husband. She wanted him back. But was she ready to face the potential outcomes that might arise once she and Harrison finally sat down and aired all of this out?

  Willow swallowed past the anguish clogging her throat.

  “Mama! You ready?”

  She snapped to attention at the sound of Athens’s voice.

  “I’m on my way,” she called after clearing her throat again.

  Stashing thoughts of her crumbling marriage away for the moment, she sucked in a deep breath and left the sanctity of the guest room. It was time to get started on her day.

  But as they made their way to the city’s only black all-boys Catholic school—the school Harrison, his brothers, and all his cousins had attended—Willow struggled to keep thoughts of the conversation she knew she and Harrison needed to have at bay. As Athens chattered on about the comic book his uncle Reid’s new girlfriend, Brooklyn, had dropped over at the house, Willow’s mind returned to that image of Harrison gazing up at her from the base of the staircase.

  The mixture of love and remorse and confusion she’d seen in his expression mirrored what she’d been feeling since the moment he moved out. She wore a mask for her children’s sake, pretending as best she could that she was okay, but Willow wasn’t naive enough not to recognize what this separation was doing to her kids. Lily had been more withdrawn than usual, while Athens had been the complete opposite. He’d started to cling to her, as if he could hold on to the one parent still in the house.

  A hiccuping cry slipped from her mouth.

  “Mama, you okay?” Athens asked.

  She swallowed. “Yes, baby.” She reached over and smoothed a hand down his face. “So, have you thought about which superhero you’ll be for the gala?”

  When Athens learned that the kickoff party for his grandmother’s foundation would have a superhero theme, he’d begged Willow to let him attend. She’d granted him permission, with the caveat that he stay at the table in the far corner for most of the party.

  Athens spent the rest of the drive going through the litany of various superheroes he was considering for the gala. It seemed her son would require several wardrobe changes a la Diana Ross at an ’80s music awards show.

  As they merged into the school drop-off line, Athens asked, “What was Daddy doing home this morning?”

  “He…uh…stopped over to get a tie he needed for work.”

  Her son nodded. “I hope he needs another tie tomorrow.”

  How she managed to squelch the sob on the brink of escaping, Willow would never know. She pulled up in front of the school, leaned over and gave Athens a kiss on the cheek.

  “Have a good day, honey.”

  “You too,” he said, accepting her kiss with zero shame. How much longer would she be able to enjoy moments like this? Not long enough. If she recalled, it was around age twelve when Lily decided it was uncool to get kisses from her mother in public.

  “Wait one minute,” Willow said as Athens exited the car. “Hand me that backpack.”

  His light brown eyes grew wide, a clear sign of a kid who knew he was caught. He reluctantly peeled the bag from his shoulder and stretched it across the empty passenger seat. Willow unzipped the front compartment, where the rectangular delineation of one of his handheld gaming devices strained against the black nylon.

  “You need some lessons from your sister when it comes to sneaking contraband,” Willow said. “Next time hide it between two books in the main part of the backpack, not in the front where it’s so easily visible.”

  “What’s contraband?” he asked, his pudgy little nose scrounged up in that adorable look she loved so much.

  “Never mind,” Willow said. She blew him a kiss. “Have a good day at school, baby. Remember, I’m picking you up a few minutes early so we can go to your doctor’s appointment.”

  Athens’s shoulders deflated. “I don’t wanna go. He’s going to stick me with the needle again.”

  Just like that, Willow’s heart broke in two. She absolutely hated that he had to go through this. She hated it even more when she thought about how this could have all been prevented if she’d done a better job of monitoring his health.

  It’s not your fault.

  The doctor’s words played once again in her head, but as much as she tried to take them to heart, the notion that she’d failed her son continued to weigh on her, suffocating her with guilt.

  “I promise it won’t be bad,” Willow said, making a promise she knew she couldn’t keep. The person in the car behind her blew their horn. “I gotta go, baby. I’ll see you later.”

  She blew him another kiss and quickly made her way out of the drop-off lane. She tried to fill her head with her list of duties for the day, but only moments after leaving the school grounds Willow had to pull over into the parking lot of a florist shop. She could barely see past the tears streaming down her face.

  Now that she no longer had Athens’s incessant chatter to distract her, the impact of Harrison’s surprise visit this morning hit her like a strike to the chest. Seeing him standing there brought home just how much she missed him.

  It wasn’t as if they’d never been apart. She and her two sisters took at least one trip a year, and Harrison had several conferences he attended annually. But this felt different. This was different. The past three weeks had given her a glimpse into a world she didn’t want to live in, a world without her husband at her side.

  There was no world without Harrison. The mere idea of it was too ridiculous to fathom. The two of them had been one body for going on twenty years, practically inseparable from the first time he’d finally convinced her to go out with him, after asking a half-dozen times.

  A small smile managed to whisk across her lips despite her tears. If she closed her eyes Willow could still see him strolling up to her as she sat underneath a tree on the quad at Xavier University. He’d been so damn cocky. He’d thought all it would take was an invitation and she would just fall into his lap.

  She’d wanted to. God knows it had taken every ounce of strength she possessed not to pounce on his offer of dinner and a movie, but even as a younger sophomore Willow had known that if she’d given in that quickly he would think he could get his way every single time.

  So she’d made him work for it. And in the end, it had been worth it.

  She’d gotten the guy. They’d gotten each other. And for twenty years had enjoyed the kind of relationship most people could only dream about. She and Harrison had never once gone to bed angry throughout their nearly seventeen year marriage. They’d barely had a major disagreement. They’d shared the rarest of rarities, a nearly perfect marriage.

  But the glass on their picture perfect marriage had suffered a devastating crack, and she had no idea how they were going to fix it.

  What if they couldn’t fix it? What if this break turned into a separation?

  You already are separated.

  She was kidding herself, thinking if she just slapped another word over it, it would change the reality of what she and her husband had allowed to happen to their marriage.

  Willow still had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that he’d left at all. When she suggested they take some time apart, she honestly hadn’t expected Harrison to agree to it. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected.

  No, that wasn’t true. She’d expected her husband to fight for their marriage. She’d expected an impassioned tirade, for him to demand they work out their problems then and there. She’d expected him to start the conversation she just couldn’t bring herself to start.

  What she hadn’t expected was for him to pause for a couple of seconds before going upstairs to pack a bag.

  The memory of that moment slammed into her like a physical blow. She bent over, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She’d never felt so lost. Her idyllic life had come crashing down around her, and the reality was too much for her to deal with.

  She was tired of pretending everything was okay. She’d held it together for t
he sake of her kids, but there was only so much she could do. The ability to catch her breath escaped her, the weight of the past three weeks pressing down on her chest.

  “How did we get here?” Willow called out between hiccuping sobs.

  But she knew how they’d gotten here. She was the reason they were here. She was the one who’d pulled away.

  She was the one who’d done wrong.

  Now she had to figure out a way to fix it.

  And she would. She had to. She would find the courage to own up to her role in all of this, and bring her family back together. She would not allow her marriage to end this way.

  But first she had a household to tend to.

  “Get it together,” she said, sitting up and wiping the tears from her face.

  She knew better than to get back on the road before she was one hundred percent certain she wouldn’t lose it again, but Willow also knew she couldn’t spend the morning sitting in this parking lot either. She had a to-do list a mile long waiting for her, and last time she’d looked have a breakdown over your broken marriage wasn’t one of the bullet points.

  She would give herself another five minutes, and then she would suck it up and continue on with her day. She would pull it together and do what she had to do. It’s what she always did.

  Chapter Two

  “I won’t even entertain that suggestion,” Harrison spoke into the phone. “Get back to me when you have a realistic offer for my client to consider.”

  He listened with half an ear as Phillip MacMahon countered yet again. They’d been playing this game for the past four months. The boys over at Bossier, Guidry & Associates were inching closer to that magic number his client had agreed upon, but they would never know how close until they actually hit it. This was the part Harrison lived for. The fact that he’d heard a slight edge in Phillip’s normally cool voice was a bonus.

  “No cigar,” Harrison said when his former coworker finished laying out his follow-up offer. “I think it’s better for both parties if we continue with the arbitration. The Delmonicos would like to get this business squared away as soon as possible. If Bayou Land Dredging isn’t willing to make a fair offer, there are other companies out there who are. See you in Judge Rubin’s chambers,” Harrison said, ending the call.