All You Can Handle (Moments In Maplesville Book 5) Page 14

  He braced his hands on either side of her head, the corded muscles in his arms standing out starkly on his light brown skin. The thin gold chain he wore around his neck glistened as it swung above her, in rhythm to the way his body moved.

  His head dipped against her neck again, his breath gusting out in shallow pants against her moist skin. He moved faster, went deeper. Every decadent slide of his rock hard body penetrated her more fully, touching the very heart of her.

  “Any second now,” Ian whispered against her lips.

  Sonny gripped the sheets in her fists; her entire body pulled taut as Ian’s final, powerful thrust set off a million bursts of light behind her eyes.

  She crashed back down to earth, her body replete with satisfaction.

  “Oh, my God,” Sonny breathed against his slick shoulder, holding onto him for dear life. When he started to lift off of her, she clamped her leg behind his knee, locking him in. She never wanted to let him go. Ever.

  She waited for panic to attack her body at the thought of never letting him go, but there was none. What she felt right now was the complete opposite of panic. The idea of never letting Ian go, of being with him like this for as long as she possibly could, brought nothing but peace.

  She drifted to sleep with the reassuring weight of Ian’s body on top of her.

  ~ ~ ~

  Sonny wasn’t sure how much time had passed when her eyes popped open. Moonlight drifted through the bead curtains she’d hung over the front windows. The gentle sway created by the ceiling fan Ian must have turned on while she was sleeping made the beads’ shadow dance across the bed.

  “We need to talk.” Ian’s deep voice pierced the stillness.

  Sonny twisted around so she could face him.

  “Okay,” she said. She could see the seriousness in his eyes reflected in the moonlight.

  “We both had our reasons for holding back, but I can’t do this anymore, Sonny. We can’t do this anymore. I’m done fighting what I feel for you, and I’m done letting you fight, too.”

  That familiar panic returned, like the walls were closing in on her.

  “Ian—”

  “Don’t say this was just sex,” he warned. “You say it and I’m calling you a liar. This is not one-sided, Sonny.”

  “I know it isn’t,” she said. “I can’t deny that I have feelings for you. There’s been something between us from the very first night we met. But—”

  “But? But what?” he pressed. “But you’re afraid to act on it because your parents tried to make you into something you’re not? Because your ex-boyfriend used you to get closer to your dad? You’re done with that part of your life, Sonny. It doesn’t have anything to do with us.”

  “But what if it does?” she asked, shifting in the bed and holding the sheet up to her chest. “How can I be sure that I won’t go right back to being that person whose entire life revolves around doing what other people want me to do?” She stared into his eyes, pleading with him to understand. “I’m finally on a path to figuring out where I want to be, what I want to be. I’ve fought too hard to get to this place in my life. I’m not giving it up.”

  “I’m not asking you to,” he said. He captured her chin and tilted her head up ever so slightly. “No one can force you to stay. If you take that job in New Orleans or if something new comes up somewhere else, then you go. I’m not tying you down to Maplesville.

  “But while you are here, I want to be here with you, Sonny. And not just like this,” he said, gesturing between them. “I want to be here.” He kissed her forehead. “And here.” He dipped his head and kissed the crown of her breast, over her heart.

  A chaotic mixture of fear and hope knotted in her chest. He was offering her the best of both worlds—to have him and have her freedom.

  But it was never about Ian giving her permission. It was about her losing herself.

  It was about her becoming too attached to one place, or to one person that she couldn’t bring herself to leave, even if leaving turned out to be the best thing for her. It had been about her all along. Her decisions, her choices. She had always been the biggest threat to her own freedom.

  And as long as she trusted herself to never lose the new person she’d found when she’d finally broken free from her former life, there shouldn’t be any obstacle between her and Ian.

  Yet, Sonny still couldn’t bring herself to take that next step. The thought of making a commitment to him induced a shroud of panic that threatened to suffocate her.

  “What if it’s still too difficult for me to let you inside of my head and my heart?” she asked. “Would you still want to be here with me, even if I can’t let you all the way in?”

  “I would want you—expect you—to give me just as much as I plan to give you,” Ian said. “I won’t be in a one-sided relationship, Sonny.”

  “So, are you…are you giving me an ultimatum?”

  “If I did that it would send you running,” Ian said.

  Possibly. Probably.

  “So what are you saying?” she asked. “If I said that I have feelings for you, but that I’m not ready to commit to anything more than what we already have, what would your response be?”

  He stared at her for several long moments, the intensity in his gaze robbing the breath from her lungs.

  “I would tell you that you shouldn’t be afraid to open your heart to me,” Ian said.

  She lifted her fingers to his jaw and gently caressed it.

  “And I would tell you that I need just a little more time,” she said. He started to speak, but she stopped him. “Understand that I’ve spent the past year assuring myself that I would never do the very thing you’re asking me to do, make myself vulnerable to being dependent on someone else for my happiness. I just need a little time to process this. To convince myself that I won’t be in danger of losing the Sonny that I’ve finally found.”

  His strained expression told her just how much he didn’t like her answer.

  “How much time are we talking about?” Ian asked.

  Sonny shouldn’t have been caught off-guard by his question, yet she was. She’d half expected him to say “thanks, but no thanks.”

  And wouldn’t that have made her decision so much easier?

  God, who could have known that the person she found at the end of her Emancipation of Sonny journey would be such a coward?

  Yet, instead of doing the brave thing and making a decision here and now, Sonny elected to take the coward’s way out.

  “My lease is up in a couple of days,” she said. “That would give me some time to think about what my next steps should be.”

  A muscle in his jaw twitched. She could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed deeply.

  “Any time you start to question whether or not I would ever try to control you, remember tonight,” he said. “This decision affects me just as much as it affects you, but I’m giving you the space you need. Someone who wants to control you would never give you what I’m giving you.”

  Sonny nodded, emotion clogging her throat. When she was finally able to speak, she said, “I won’t forget it. Thank you, Ian. I promise, I will never forget what you’ve given me.”

  Chapter Eight

  Ian rubbed the remainder of the varnish across the slates of smooth wood, working it into the crevices, making sure every inch was evenly covered. This wasn’t the type of work Trey had hired him to do, but they were running behind on this particular conversion job, so it was all hands on deck. If Trey needed him to throw on a coat of varnish, that’s what he’d do.

  It was just one of the reasons they all worked so well together, and one of the reasons Ian had promised Trey that he would continue to come in when he needed him, even after he opened his own bike shop.

  His hand twitched as thoughts of his bike shop sent a spike of anxiety racing through his blood. Tamping down his nervousness had become today’s number one pastime.

  According to the voicemail Mr. Babineaux left on his phone
, Ian would have a decision about the loan later today. Coming on the heels of Vanessa Chauvin’s email that the Miller place was going on the market tomorrow at an asking price of $450,000, and it was a wonder he could concentrate on anything. In his head, all he could see was the neon sign for Landry Motorcycles residing where the Miller’s Pharmacy sign now hung.

  He was so close to bringing his dad’s dream to life. It was all just one phone call away.

  “You almost done with the beadboard?” Trey called. “I can put it out to dry with the others.”

  “Almost,” Ian called back.

  As he applied more varnish to the smooth wood, his thoughts predictably drifted to Sonny. He’d given her the easy way out last night by not demanding that she make a decision about them then and there. He’d been too afraid that the decision she’d make would be the one that sent his heart crumbling to the pit of his stomach.

  He’d agreed to give her time, but that didn’t mean he had to sit here in limbo waiting for her to figure out what she wanted. He knew what he wanted. He wanted Sonny.

  It was time for him to fight for what he wanted.

  He gave the board one final swipe, then motioned for Trey to come and get it.

  Ian wiped his hands on the rag he kept in his back pocket, then pulled his phone out to check the time. Sonny should be home from Kiera’s by now. He needed to tell her that time was up.

  He had become so accustomed to checking for emails from the bank or Vanessa that he clicked into his email app out of habit. His stomach pitched when he saw Mr. Babineaux’s e-mail buried among the spam cluttering his inbox. The words REGARDING YOUR LOAN glowing like a beacon in the night.

  Ian just stared at the ambiguous subject line for several seconds.

  This was it.

  Sparks of excitement shot up his spine as he looked at the screen, knowing that the dream he’d shared with his dad was on the cusp of becoming a reality, the start of it just one click away.

  He ran a shaky hand over his mouth, letting the anticipation build just a moment longer. Then he clicked on the e-mail.

  As he read the short message, everything inside him went cold.

  “Hey, you okay?” Trey asked, walking up to him.

  Ian swallowed, but words failed him.

  “Ian?” Concern laced his boss’s voice.

  He shook his head and stuffed his phone in his back pocket. “I’m good,” Ian said. “I just...” He let out a breath, unable to believe the words he was about to say. “I didn’t get the loan.”

  “Aw, shit.” Trey grimaced. He clamped a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”

  “Well, actually I did get it, but the amount they approved won’t be enough to cover the cost of the Miller place,” Ian said. “Vanessa Chauvin is listing the building tomorrow at $450,000.”

  Trey let out a low whistle. “Pretty steep,” he said. “Maybe you can work something out with the Millers directly? Come up with a payment plan? My offer still stands. You know that, don’t you? Just say the word and I’ll make a call.”

  “No,” Ian shook his head.

  When he’d first mentioned opening his own business, Trey’s reaction had been the complete opposite of how ninety-nine percent of bosses would react. Instead of being upset about potentially losing an employee, Trey had offered to loan Ian thirty thousand dollars toward a down payment.

  Ian refused it when he’d first offered, and he refused it now.

  “If the bank isn’t willing to give me the loan it must mean they don’t think I can pay it. Why would you take that chance on me?” Ian asked.

  “Sometimes you don’t get the loan because banks are biased against young people just starting out,” Trey said. “And I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t think you were good for the money. Just take it and pay me back when you’re able to get into your trust, or when you start to see a profit. This doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

  “But it is,” Ian said. “What if I take your money today and die tomorrow?”

  “Would you stop the nonsense?”

  “It happens. I’ve seen it.” He snapped his fingers. “In the blink of an eye, your entire world can turn upside down.”

  And a seventeen year old could be thrust into a role that changes the trajectory of his entire life.

  Ian ran a hand down his face. “Look, I said from the very beginning that if I didn’t get the loan it just wasn’t meant to be. Besides,” he said, his shrug full of nonchalance he didn’t feel at all. “I doubt the Miller family would be willing to work out a payment plan with me when they’re bound to get offers from others who can buy the building outright.”

  “You really think it’s going to go that quickly?”

  “I know it will,” Ian said. “There are a lot of companies that have had their eyes on that building for years, just waiting for it to finally go on the market. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s snatched up by the end of the week.”

  And with it his chance to make the dream he and his dad shared a reality.

  “I knew this was a possibility. I’m okay with it,” Ian said, hating the taste of the lie on his tongue.

  “Are you sure?” Trey asked.

  He nodded because his mouth refused to form the words to tell yet another untruth. But it looked as if Trey didn’t believe him anyway, not with the way his eyes narrowed as he stared at Ian.

  “Why don’t you knock off for the rest of the day,” Trey suggested. “Mike and I can handle what’s left.”

  It was complete bullshit. Trey needed all the help he could get, and they both knew it. But Ian took the gift he’d been offered. He could feel his attitude getting saltier by the minute. He knew the full impact of being turned down for the loan would hit him soon and he didn’t need to be around anyone when that happened.

  ~ ~ ~

  As he packed up his tools and dropped them in the toolbox he kept in the backseat of his double cab, Ian tried to decide what to do with his suddenly free afternoon. If ever there was a time to drive over to The Corral and get wasted, this was it, but Ian no longer had the luxury of being so reckless and irresponsible. He wouldn’t even chance a couple of beers out at Ponderosa Pond. With his luck he’d get pulled over with the smell of alcohol on his breath and spend the night in jail.

  Instead, Ian stopped in at the first convenience station he came across and bought a Dr. Pepper. Then he drove for over an hour, meandering around Maplesville, looking at all the new construction going up. All those companies had been lucky enough to have their visions financed.

  His aimless driving eventually brought him to Maplesville’s historic district. Ian told himself to keep driving, but he was drawn into an empty parking spot in front of Miller’s Pharmacy, like his truck had magnets in the tires.

  He stared at the vacant building, an ache slowly settling in his chest. It looked as if Vanessa had already been here. The red, white and blue “For Sale” sign innocently sitting in the window caused his throat to swell with emotion.

  “Dammit.” Ian banged his fist on the steering wheel.

  He thought about taking Trey’s advice and trying to work out a deal with the Millers. Between his savings and the money Trey had offered to lend him, he could give them over fifty grand as a down payment. He could say to hell with those estate taxes and bust his trust fund wide open. That would give him at least half of the money. He could try another bank. He could try several banks. He could get a bunch of smaller loans, cobble together the money and buy this building outright just as he’d planned. And then his dream would become a reality.

  But that wasn’t reality.

  Reality was the bills that came every single month, bills that would need to be paid before paying back a half-dozen loans for a business that probably wouldn’t turn a profit for at least the first three years. Reality was a thirteen-year-old sister who needed him. Reality was shelving his dream for a little bit longer instead of making an irrational move that could come back to bite him in the ass.

>   He’d gotten his first dose of reality at the age of seventeen, the day his dad was struck in the head with a falling metal pipe while slaving away at the refinery. It was the day Ian learned that no one was guaranteed an easy, straight path. Life moved sideways. It was bumpy. That day, his goals in life changed. It was all about making the path as smooth as possible for Kimmie. Her own mother had selfishly left her behind, but Ian would be damned if he did the same.

  “You’ll get your turn,” he murmured as he started up the truck.

  It may not be today, or next year, or even ten years from now, but he’d held this dream for too long to give up on it.

  “I’m going to make this work, Dad,” Ian said. It wouldn’t be right then, but it was going to happen.

  At that moment, there was another dream that Ian was determined to make a reality. The only thing blocking it was Sonny’s inability to let go of her past. He was not going to allow that to get in the way of their future.

  Ten minutes later he pulled into the driveway behind Sonny’s VW Bug. The windows of the garage apartment were dark, but bright lights shone through his kitchen windows.

  Ian entered the house through the side kitchen door, finding Sonny and Kimmie in the kitchen, pots, pans and other remnants of a meal being prepared were everywhere.

  “You’re home! Guess what?” Kimmie said before Ian had the chance to speak.

  So much for his no-holds-barred, lay-it-on-the-line speech to Sonny. It wasn’t the type of thing he wanted to deliver with an audience.

  “I’m making dinner,” Kimmie continued. “And it’s not frozen pizza. It’s turkey meatloaf. We learned how to make it in Family and Consumer Science class and mine was the best.”

  “Family and Consumer Science?” Ian asked.

  “Home Economics,” Sonny explained with a grin.

  He nodded. “Ah. Cool.”

  “I also made mashed potatoes and corn-on-the-cob, and Sonny baked cupcakes.”