Pleasure Rush Read online

  How long had he been running after Deirdre, only to have her shoot him down? And why? She’d never told him why she’d pushed him away.

  “Why did it take us so long to get to here, Deirdre?”

  “You’re the one who picked this remote spot,” she said, dodging his true meaning with a laugh.

  “You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” he said. “You asked me why I agreed to take you on this adventure, and I was honest with you. Now it’s time for you to do the same. Be straight with me, Deirdre. Why did you push me away for so long?”

  Her chewing slowed as she stared at him across the table. She put her fork down and dabbed at the side of her mouth with the linen napkin. Then, she picked up her wineglass and took a sip. Finally, she placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her folded hands.

  “Do you remember when we first met?” she asked. “It was the morning Torrian reported to the Sabers’ training facility, just a few days after he was drafted. Dante and I came with him, of course, because at the time I was too afraid to let Torrian out of my sight.”

  “I remember that.” Theo chuckled. “Some of the guys teased him about his mommy coming with him on his first day of school.”

  Her mouth tipped up in a chastised smile. “I know he was embarrassed, but I was so afraid of him being out there alone. Then you showed up, and you told me not to worry, because you were going to take care of my baby brother.”

  Theo nodded. He remembered that, too.

  “I think I fell in love with you that same day,” she said.

  Her softly-delivered declaration sent a wave of shock rioting through him.

  “Pathetic, right?” Deirdre continued with a self-deprecating laugh. “It was like something out of a dime-store romance novel. Shy, quiet woman falls for the ultra-popular football star.” Her sad smile tore through Theo’s chest. “I was in love with you for so long that it just became a part of my existence, like having to do the laundry.

  “But I just couldn’t do it, Theo. For years I watched you drift from one girl to another, leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake. I was determined not to be one of them. I lived through that once, with Dante’s father. I gave that man everything I had—my entire heart—and he tossed it away like it was yesterday’s trash.”

  “Deirdre—” he started, but she spoke over him.

  “Don’t say that you wouldn’t have done the same thing because I saw you do it all the time, Theo. You made breaking hearts an art form.”

  She looked down at her plate, then up at him again. In a small voice she said, “But you want to know what’s really pathetic? Although I knew I would end up hurt, I still wanted you. I wanted you, even though you barely noticed me.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Oh, yes it is. Let’s be honest here, Theo. It took years for you to see me as anything other than Torrian’s sister. But it didn’t matter to me.” She shook her head, her solemn smile devoid of humor. “Despite all the reasons I had for keeping my heart as far away from you as possible, I still couldn’t help the way I felt about you. The day you first asked me out, you would have thought I had just been handed the keys to a gold-plated castle.”

  His brows drew together in a frown. “If that’s the case, why did you turn me down?”

  “I turned you down because my common sense blessedly overrode my silly heart,” she said. Deirdre paused to take another sip of her wine. “And because my brother happened to mention a conversation the two of you had the evening before you asked me out.”

  Unease blossomed in Theo’s chest. He gripped the edge of the table, wishing it was his best friend’s neck. A sickening feeling settled in his stomach as she quoted what he’d said to Torrian that night.

  “Torrian told me that you had grown tired of dating those hot little party girls, and had decided that you were finally ready to settle down with a ‘comfortable, low-maintenance, boring woman.’”

  Theo winced as she threw the callous, insensitive words in his face.

  “Do you have any idea how that made me feel?” she asked in an injured tone. “After all the years of waiting for you to finally notice me, I find out that my biggest appeal to you is that I’m low-maintenance and boring?”

  The hurt shining through her eyes was more than he could handle.

  “Deirdre, that’s not how I meant it.”

  “Really?” she asked. “Exactly how did you mean it?”

  Damn it. Theo didn’t know how to handle this. There were too many things hitting him at once.

  Deirdre had been into him from the very beginning, back when they’d first met? How could he not have sensed that?

  He had noticed her that first day—of course he’d noticed her—but he honestly had not contemplated seeing Deirdre on a romantic level back then. He was ashamed to admit, even to himself, just how mired down he’d been in the lifestyle of an NFL player. Back in those days everyone expected to see him with a young, hot groupie on his arm, so that’s what he went for. It had taken him way too long to recognize the value in a more mature woman like Deirdre.

  He had to fix this, and the only way he knew how was to be totally, completely honest.

  “I had no idea you’d felt that way all those years ago.” Because he hadn’t taken the time to give her more than a passing glance. Deirdre was right. For years he had only seen her as Torrian’s sister, the woman who took care of all of them when they hung out at her brother’s crib. It wasn’t until several years later that he’d even recognized that his feelings toward her had turned into something more.

  Deirdre pushed a piece of chicken around on her plate as she spoke. “Every time I heard you talking about whatever new girl you were dating, I just wanted to scream.” She looked up at him. “I think it would have been easier if you had never expressed interest in me at all. Knowing that you’d only started to think of me in a romantic way after you’d had your fun running through hundreds of younger, hotter woman cut deeper than you’ll ever know.”

  “It hasn’t been hundreds,” he protested, then wished he hadn’t opened his mouth.

  “Does that really matter?” she asked.

  No, it didn’t. The fact that he’d hurt her was the only thing that mattered here. Theo held his hands up in helplessness surrender.

  “What can I say other than I’m sorry?” he asked.

  “There’s nothing for you to say,” she said. “It was for the best, Theo. It stung, but when Torrian told me what you said, it gave me the chance to step back and see what a colossally bad idea it would have been for us to see each other back then. I wasn’t ready for it. You would have hurt me.”

  “I would not have hurt you,” he argued. “At least not intentionally. I never even considered that you would actually be hurt by my asking you out, Deirdre.”

  “Because you thought you were doing me a favor,” she said.

  “No.” Theo shook his head, even though that’s exactly how he’d felt at first.

  “Oh, yes, you did,” she maintained. “What woman wouldn’t be thrilled go out with the Sabers’ great Theo Stokes. That’s how it is, isn’t it?”

  He wouldn’t argue with her. Theo knew he would lose.

  “I’m sorry,” he reiterated. “I don’t have the words to tell you how much.”

  Theo thought about his excited expectations for their afternoon and swallowed a groan. The fact that she hadn’t told him to take his apology to hell was the best he could expect at the moment.

  Deirdre shrugged. “You fell prey to society’s expectations. I watched the same thing happen with Torrian. You were just doing what an NFL player was supposed to do, dating the kind of women an NFL player is expected to date.”

  “I’m not the same guy I used to be,” he interjected. “
I’m done with that lifestyle.”

  Her eyes narrowed slightly and she stared at him as if she were trying to see into his soul. “Are you?” she asked in a curious tone. “Have you really changed all that much, Theo?”

  “How can you ask me that? Look around, Deirdre? Would I have gone to this much trouble if I wasn’t seriously into you?”

  “How do I know you haven’t taken a dozen girls here before?” she asked.

  He ran his hands down his face. “You want to know the truth?” Theo asked.

  Her brows rose in an inquisitive peak.

  “I have never taken anyone here before,” Theo said. “This is one of my favorite places in Hawaii, but I’ve always come alone. You are the only person I have ever wanted to share this with.”

  She stared at him across the table, her face completely expressionless. The long, tension-filled moments that passed between them were so uncomfortable Theo started to regret ever agreeing to this date.

  He was just about to push away from the table and pack up their lunch so they could return to the helicopter when a small smile drew across Deirdre’s face.

  “I guess I really am starting to embrace this new Deirdre,” she said. She picked up her wineglass and took a healthy sip. “You know the only reason I’m not going to get up and walk away right now?” she asked.

  Theo shook his head.

  “I’ve decided it’s time I go after what I want for a change, and right now, I want you.”

  Theo’s spine stiffened with shock, his mouth dropping open in astonishment before he could stop it.

  “It’s that simple,” Deirdre continued. “I’ve wanted you for years, and I finally have you here. I’m not going to give that up. Now,” she said in a much lighter tone. “Are you sorry you ever brought this up?”

  “No,” Theo said, not ready to lighten the mood just yet. This was too important to brush off. “We needed to have this conversation. At least I know why you resent me so much. You have good reason to.”

  “I don’t resent you, Theo. And maybe it was small of me to even tell you any of this, but I wanted to give you a taste of the hurt you caused me.” She reached across the table and covered his hand. “I truly don’t want this to stand in the way of whatever may happen between us.”

  “Do you think there can be something between us?” he asked as a tremor of hope bloomed in his chest.

  “I do,” she said. “As hurt as I was, it didn’t change the way I felt about you, and how I still feel about you.” She glanced at the waterfall before bringing her eyes back to his. “This past year has been miserable. I never want to go through that again, Theo. You mean too much to me.”

  He brought her fingers to his lips. “Miserable doesn’t describe what I’ve been going through, Deirdre. When Torrian would mention that you were out on a date, I wanted to jam my fist through a wall.”

  “Are you kidding me? I went on two dates. And my friends had to practically threaten me with bodily harm before I would agree to go.”

  “I didn’t know the circumstances. I just knew you were on a date with someone who wasn’t me. I have never been so jealous of men I’ve never met in my entire life.”

  “And I am just petty enough to take pleasure in that.” She chuckled.

  Theo shook his head. “You’re a lot of things, Deirdre, but petty isn’t one of them.”

  “Can we decide right now to forget all the stuff that’s happened in the past? All of your many girlfriends, and the two mundane blind dates my friends set me up on in the past fourteen months,” she continued. “It is completely unbalanced, but I have no problem looking beyond it.”

  He sat back in his chair and studied her, considering how different the reaction would have been if he’d had this same conversation with some of the women he’d dated in the past.

  “I’m lucky you’re the type of person you are, Deirdre. There aren’t many women who could put all of this into perspective the way you have.”

  “That’s the difference between a mature woman and the infants you’re used to dating. Aren’t you happy you finally decided to give one of us a try?” she asked, her amused expression letting him know even more than her words that she truly was ready to put all of this behind them.

  “Absolutely,” Theo answered. “I’m just sorry I waited so damn long.”

  * * *

  As she sat on the rock ledge with her arms around her knees, Deirdre tipped her head back and basked in the warm sunrays that made it through the leaves overhead. Theo was packing away what remained of their picnic lunch, still insistent that she not lift a finger.

  Deirdre had relented without much of a fight. It felt good to just sit back while someone else took care of everything. That the person catering to her needs was Theo Stokes made it even more special. Things had lightened significantly after their decidedly heavy conversation. They had lingered over dessert for nearly an hour, talking about everything, from her vision for The Fire Starter Grille, to the trip to Europe her son wanted to take with a music chorale.

  “You should let him go,” Theo had said. “It’s not as if this will be his first time out of the country.”

  “This isn’t like the trip he took to Italy with his high school band last year,” Deirdre told him. “There won’t be a bunch of chaperones looking after him, just fellow musicians. I’m not sure Dante is ready for something like that.”

  “Are you sure it’s Dante who isn’t ready for something like this?” Theo had countered, leaving her to delve a bit deeper into why she was so adamant about not allowing Dante to go on his trip.

  At one point Theo tried to convince her to give him more details about her bucket list, but Deirdre refused, not ready to tell him about the final, most meaningful, item.

  “How’s the water?” Theo now asked, dropping to the spot next to her.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t tried it yet.”

  “You want to go for a swim?” he asked.

  Deirdre whipped her head around. “Are you serious?”

  He casually shrugged his broad shoulders. “Why not?”

  “Well, no bathing suits for one thing,” she said.

  The corner of his mouth tipped up in one of his signature, sexy smiles. “I thought you were the new Deirdre? Don’t tell me you’re going to let something that insignificant get in your way?” He held his hands up, all innocent and accommodating. “If you’re uncomfortable taking your clothes off in front of me I’ll just turn around. You can tell me when you’re done.”

  “As if that would make any difference. That water is as clear as glass.”

  “I promise not to look down,” he offered. “Come on, Deirdre. When will you ever have another chance to go skinny-dipping in a secluded Hawaiian lagoon? I know,” he snapped his fingers and pointed at her. “You should add ‘swim naked with Theo in a lagoon’ to your bucket list.”

  “That’s pretty specific,” she laughed. If only he knew how close he was to one of the items on her list. She was as close as she ever had been to drawing a line through that item. With a simple nod she would have a naked Theo within arms reach—just the two of them cocooned in this private paradise.

  Deirdre shook her head, unable to believe she was even entertaining this. “I can’t, Theo. I just…”

  “The new Deirdre wouldn’t hesitate,” he taunted. “She would be all over this opportunity.”

  Was she really going to allow his pathetic attempt at reverse psychology to goad her into doing this? Of all the non-Deirdre-like things she’d done in the past couple of days, this would be, by far, the most extreme departure from her usual self.

  Deirdre’s stomach twisted in a jumble of nervous, excited knots. If she was ever going to prove to herself that she wasn’t afraid to let loose and live adventurousl
y, now was the time.

  She took a deep, calming breath, then scooted from the rock ledge and pointed back toward the forest. “You look over there,” she said. “And don’t look back until I tell you it’s safe.”

  Theo looked as if he’d been hit with a tidal wave, complete and utter shock plastered on his face.

  “Yes, I’m really going to do this,” Deirdre answered his unspoken question. “But I swear if I catch you peeking you’re going to pay.”

  A playful grin stretched across his face. “That sounds interesting. I may have to take my chances.”

  She pointed. “Turn.”

  He obliged, turning toward the trees. Deirdre hurried behind the waterfall and used the cave wall to balance as she took off first one tennis shoe, then the other. Minutes later she’d stripped to her bare skin.

  What in the world was she doing?

  She was standing in the middle of the forest, completely naked, with Theo Stokes just a few yards away, that’s what. And she couldn’t even blame it on alcohol. Those few sips of wine she’d had with lunch hadn’t been enough to intoxicate a butterfly.

  She tiptoed around the waterfall and started down the stack of rocks that rose out of the water like a nature-made staircase. She dipped her toe in the water and yelped at the shocking cold.

  Theo spun around. “You okay?” he asked.

  Deirdre’s eyes widened and she jumped in the water, her head going completely under.

  Lord, she was going to kill herself!

  She broke the surface, sputtering as she glared at Theo. “You were supposed to keep looking the other way until I told you it was safe to turn around.”

  “You screamed. I thought something was wrong.”

  “Don’t look,” she yelled.

  A wicked glint twinkled in his eyes. “Not looking is no fun.” Deirdre glared at him and he held his palms up. “Fine, I won’t look,” he said. “Can I undress so I can enjoy the water?”